Its only natural that I'm worn out.
Its TGIF. Its almost a week I'm attached to ED. In that span of four days, I hav seen alot of action there. There'z never a dull moment. A real challenge both physically and mentally. There were indeed times when I thought I would crack under pressure. The turn over rate there is unusually high and I can see the reason why. Compared to the profesional veterans ther, I'm like a babe in the woods.
I can only hope and pray... yes, notice the word pray. I've started my budding prayes. Everything begins with small steps. I'm starting mine. Lotsa things happened tht jumstarted my fledging faith in religion. I hav seen great acts of kindness there as well as also acts of selflesness under xteme pressure. There were times when I feel partly ashamed of myself. Guess I'm juz a lil bit rusty.
I always luved reading other peoples blogs. It givs me insights into the character's inner soul. But the thing that I always ask myself is that... do most ppl blog for the sake of others? OR for their own selves?
I've read joyful blissful bloggers as well as dark, brooding gloomy ones. Sum a combination of both. I hav seen lotsa angst... unrequited luv, bitterness... and also chirpy, groovy and humorous ones. There were sum blogs that I'm envious... envious in a sense that they lead such happy & carefree lives. And also blogs that hav plenty of inconsistencies and copycat infringement.. But one thing that is constant... the never ending quest in seach of honest true luv, happiness and inner peace and acceptance.
We human individuals are so complicated. Sumtimes the right answers are so elusively complicated.. yet at the same time astonishingly simple. Guess we are one big bunch of confused and bungling individuals that are constantly goin round in circles with the statement of 'understand me' pencilled to our foreheads but hidden behind masks and clothed behind sumthing that we are not.
Balance in all things. That is one of the principles that's first and foremost on my mind. Too much kindness can lead u to being too soft... too much anger can make you a walking seething individual juz waiting to xplode on the slightest provocation. Too emo and ppl say that u r a cry baby... too heartless and u r juz a walking machine. Wearing figure huggin and revealin clothes often and u r seen as a bitch... and revealing too lil u r juz assumed with a hidden agenda. So much ironies... so much misunderstanding. Even if I were to say... ur actions speaks for u can be misleading. So I juz read between the lines... my sharp perceptions trying to understand the unspoken words and distinguishing the truth. Is a half truth a whole lie?
Often I am accused of sumthing I'm not. This is not sumthing new to me. In times of past I worked so hard to prove that those who accused me of their terrible mistake. Now I no longer care. Trying to prove ppl wrong... ppl who bad mouthed and rumour mongers wrong is like banging ur head against the wall.
Time will tell. Sooner to later time often will reveal the truth abt the nature of a person. It takes patience and perserverance. It is easier to apologise for a mistake committed than to truthfully admit of a wrong doin.
In my life journey... I hav encountered plenty of people. Who doesnt? A few good men & women. No I'm not talkin abt movies or the military. But the real down to earth ppl who hav the moral courage of showin their true inner selves. Ordinary ppl wif no xtraordinary powers. But rather, the untainted heart of trying to make this place a much better place. For no better reason other than the fact that they do care.
