Ramadhan left, and syawal came.
Everytime I start my entry, the 1st thing tht crosses my mind is hw fast time flies. Its already the beginning of the end of the year. The cliche 'It feels like yesterday' keeps repeating in my mind. It feels only like yesterday I started the new year. It feels like only yesterday I celebrated my b'day. It feels like yesterday I thought I could make a difference. It feels like only yesterday I started my werk.
Its been awhile shah. Friends come n go. Bein happy n makin a difference. Tryin to make this world a better place. Where the light diminish n fade, darkness sets in. And when darkness blankets the world, everything lies still as though I hav reached the centre of the eye of the hurricane. It is here tht I find my peace.. while the devastation occurs all around me. The desire to stay in that calmness n juz ignore my surrounding is great. But my sense of responsibilities, will always draw me back into the maelstrom.
What makes a guy.. a man? Is it his sense of morality or sense of compassion? Or izzit a question of strength, agility or even endurance? Mind over body. Or perhaps.. the ability to perform in the sack?
I remembered, in my many meditation session all alone in my room, my mind flashed back to my early days of my martial training. "Ajaran Padi" The way of a padi plant. The more bountiful a padi is, the lower it bows. Translation: The more knowledgeable n wise a person is, the more humble n quiet he becums.
As always, I try to find balance in all my learning. A lil bit of the good things here n there n then combine them into sumthing greater. Balance in all things. What makes a guy.. a man? Perhaps I am now one step closer to finding that answer. It is not sumthing that I can express in words. It cant be described. Words cant do it justice. Juz like I cant explain the terrible emptiness within me. It is neither solely sadness nor loss. Sumthing that's undefinable.
The days go by as I live my life with faith n hope. I always believe in a better tomorow. Hopes that I will be happy... and the faith that I will find that day.
