I gaze for long moments at the dark wide open sea.
I tried to clear my mind, simply enjoy the moment. Its cold, even with my jacket on. I am at peace here, comfortable, hidden in the darkness. Moments such as these were rare in my life. Even then, as comfortable as I was there, I look into the distant darkness and thought back of my life then and now. Always living in the moment. Remember the past, feel the moment, think of the future.
I had walked the dark path once before. Though it taught me much, it cums wif a heavy price. Was that price worth it? Was it justified?
i remembered back all the things that had happened. Where do i even begin? Friends cum n go. Sum loss aere juz so profound and the wounds runs deeper than the naked eye can see. There so many things that I juz cant forget. Perhaps my subconscious mind wont allow myself to forget.
Ahh.. redemption. The piper always a step ahead for me. There is sumthing for me to do. Sumthing that I have to do. It is sumthing that I hav always wanted. But I knw, like I've always said... there is always a price behind that dream.
What is my dream? What is this man that I've always envisioned myself to be? I am 25 now. 18 was the age that drastically altered my life. Where did the darkness ends and the light begins?
So I walked down that deserted corridor. I rode down that peaceful place where the departed rest. Which is more painful? The pains of the heart or the pain of the wound? Which is more braver? Facing my own mistake and the means to rectify it? Or to admit that I am indeed weak?
The thing that I hated most of all. And what is the ultimate sacrifice? Is it acceptable for me to even claim that I walked down the path of darkness for redemption?
Bullshit! Denial is typical of human reaction. And so we made ourselves convenient excuse to justify the reason behind our very action.
Shah have a dream. But shah can only dream that dream. I keep it close to my heart where coldness can never reach. It is that dream that keeps my heart warm when the rest of my body feels coldness' embrace... so shah claims that to be.
Shield of Lies. Armour of denial. I knw what muz be done in the times ahead. For so long hav I stayed in the blackness of nite, that the light hurts my eyes. Dawn and dusk is juz but a few minutes, but its beauty, burns eternally.
