I was jolted frm a terrible nightmare.
My nightmares are not in the form of monsters or ghosts. There were times I wished it were so. My nightmares in the form of twisted versions of my past. I think I need a psychiatrist. No I'm not losing my sanity. Or a therapist.. u knw... like in the movies where I lie down on a couch, talking away while a person listens takin down notes. At the end of the session I would feel better and he would say sumthing that would sumhow take all these nightmare away.
I always hated being jolted from my slumber. I lay awake in the darkness for hours, recalling the nighmare and trying to console myself... its juz a dream. Always a dream. But tht dream... I call it a nightmare. It always stirred my emotions. Bringing back old pains and emotions that I always sought to bury it behind me.
Twisted. I wished I know how to control my dreams. I tried thinking of happy thoughts before I turn in for the nite.. washed my face and feet and of course brushed my teeth. I recite my sleep 'doa' Sumtimes I would work myself to xhaustion... and sumtimes i juz think till I fall asleep.
What is wrong with me? Am I that messed up?
I was walking down that familiar corridor again. That quiet white corridor leading up to the old hospital ward. Up the silent, gloomy staircase... my footsteps echoing in the nite. Empty chairs... the silence so profound that it hurts my ears. A figure wrapped in white sheet on the cold metal table. I reached out and pull the white sheet...
It was supposed to be sumone else. But why izzit that I saw my own face there? There was no one there. No nurse.. no doctor... no one. I called out... but nobody answered my kol. My voice echoed in the deafening silence. No one came. But in that dream... i was someone else? I wasnt me. I was... juz a spectator? Why am I not surprised to see myself on that table? Am I in the ward or in the morgue? I looked at that face for long moments... notin the slight scar that runs down frm the left eyebrow. So white... so pale. But.... why izzit there were suddenly tears? Tears started streaming from that closed eyes. Were they closed now? His eyes slowly opened... as though wakin up frm a long slumber. But he cant be asleep now can he? I mean who sleeps in a tied blanket? He was wrapped in white sheet remember... doesnt that means he's dead? No.. why is he rising up now?! He turned slowly to face me... my heart beating faster and faster in horror. But instead of sumthing sinister... he just look at me. And then away into the wall. I followed his gaze and found myself lookin in the mirror.
I cant see myself. Faded. Blurred. I was jolted from my sleep. It was raining heavily outside. So cold... I was shaking. It was juz a dream. A strange dream. A nightmare. I tried to go back to sleep, the sounds of the rain outside unusually loud in my ears. I tossed and turn, trying to find a comfortable spot and to ease the terrible pain. Normally I would reach out for cigs to steady my nerves. But I hav already given up smokin. Its already 3 plus in the mornin, I need my sleep or I'm gona be a walking zombie cum dawn. I need my faculties to be bright and alert for I hav a long day cumin. Try as I might, sleep eluded me.
Great.. here I am now. Trying to ease my feelings. I mean, there is no one awake right now to pour out my emotions and confusion. I'm confused over that dream. Does it mean anything? What's in my subconscious mind? What was I thinking before sleep claimed me? Its really strange. I was supposed to see sumone else when I pulled that white sheet. And why did that person... if it was really me aniway... rose frm slumber? Slumber my ass... he's supposed to be dead aint it? Why can't I see my own reflection? Was I sumone else in that dream... heck. Drop it shah. Its useless muling over dreams. But why issit my feeling's in turmoil?
Great.. I'm totally awake and alert now when I'm supposed to be sleepy. I could really use sum cigarrates right about now. But no... I gav them up for quite sum time already. The rain hav stopped now. Sleep the last thing on my mind. Perhaps I will juz look out the window and breathe in the fresh cool air. Perhaps, certain things r juz that. Dreams. The mind wondering into the twilight zone. Goodnite and good mornin to you.
