I'd like to think tht I'm living a happy, trouble free life.
Who doesnt want to live their life tht way? Enjoyin life.. doin things tht U've always wanted... free of responsibilities and worries. Everyday is a sunny day... everyday is just so happening and full of laughs and new things to do and discover. There is no such thing as friends with alterior motives and very unpleasant ppl.
I am like tht when I'm with my close knit of friends and luved ones. For a moment I can let my guard down and honestly be myself. Ahakz... be myself. That means lettin down the serius shah and let my inner child go free. Tht's when I'm more of an irritant and thts my tademark tht those closest to me only knws. Cant xactly said they r tht thrilled though.. they often see the serius side of me tht the real me kinda put them off balance.
Yeah... clear blue sunny skies and wind against my face. I've always luv tht. Makes me feel tht I am free.. or maybe I can let my imagination run wild tht I am flyin, soarin thru the open skies. Sumtimes I wish I can sky dive. I also luv the open wide blue ocean and the endless horizon. Its realy soothing on my eyes and my mind feels so much open... not crammed wif so much thoughts and personal problems juz waiting to be solved.
Its really luvly juz to walk round the neighbourhood early in the mornin. I luv ppl watching. Its intresting to see other ppl leading their own different life. I would often wonder like how'd it be like if I were in their shoes... seeing students on their way to skool and countless adults all rushin to the bus stop wif tht hectic look on their faces. On one or two would calmly be sitting down readin newspaper or smokin their ciggerate wif a relaxed calm look on their faces. The morning rush...
As much as i'd like to think tht I'm livin a happy, trouble free life, I am not tht fortunate. I'd like to believe tht no one is tht problem free. I mean cum on... too trouble free and its like boating in the dead stagnant water. But then again, prolonged boating in the rough n tumble water results in sea sickness...
Life is so complicated... though sumtimes, when I found a solution to my problems, i'd ruefully realized tht sumtimes its not tht complicated. Problems tht u once thought the solution so elusive turns out to be so simple tht u'd wonder wht took u so long to solve them... or sumtimes u'd be so amazed tht the solution is so tht simple. Another moment of epiphany.
I would often leave my problems as it is for the time being. Its useless and ultimately unproductive if I keep mullin abt it 24/7. I often said tht when u stare at the problem too long, u will fail to find the solution. So ther are times when I put my problems aside and go out and enjoy the sounds of birds in the morning and the wonderful fresh air. I like to let my mind roam free.. seeing wide open spaces and just admirin nature's beauty. It is times like these tht makes me realize how short and fragile life is... and in the infinite power of god's benign creations. I would privately muse tht if the world now is already wonderful... I wonder how heaven is like. Yeah right.. heaven. Wake up and smell the flowers shah.
As it is, my problems still hang like an albatross round my neck. My mind desperate to find both short term and long term solution. For the 1st time in my life... I feel in a complete loss. Its like damn if i do and damn if i dont. It cant be this way. I refuse to believe tht there is no solution at all. There muz be a way, its juz tht its hidden for now. I want to believe that.
On a brighter side not... my stomach pain is gettin better now. I was in xcruciatin pain for the past two days and was almost warded for it. I am no stranger to pain... but who wants to be in pain 24/7. It seems to me my righteous decision to quit smokin is causing me buttloads of pain. Ahakz... serve u right for takin it up in the 1st place. This is wht u kol short term gain and long term loss. Niway, today is such a wonderful sunny day. After runnning up all my errands n chores.... i'm spending the better part of the evening fishin. Yahoo!
