Chronicles of Shah

Time is running out...

Tht's always on my mind nowadays. I feel like there's a clock ticking inside me... a timer tht I can't see, but steadily ticking away as sure as the sun rise and sets. This is clearly evident... everything around me is going on as normal, though the clock is sumhow accelarated when I'm not lookin.

Already, 2005 is already behind me, here I am thinking as though 2004 was yesterday and I hav skipped directly to 2006. 2005 was like a blur, and my bday was just yesterday's dream. I would privately muse tht I'd be celebrating by 25th bday by next week.

24... tht's like the hangman's noose tightening round my neck. Already? Its life's many ironies tht I used to fervently hope to grow up faster faster back then, to leave the trappings of childhood behind into the wonderful freedom of an adult.

Tht was before I knw the price of being an adult. Namely, the heavy weight of responsibilities. Note the plural of tht word. And the consequences of every made decisions. Here I am, an adult desperately wishin tht I am juz a child.

24.. its like 24 hours, seven days a week and 365 days a year. Wistful thinking on my part when I mused how's its like if I were to hav a remote control tht dominates time, much like ur dvd remote control at home. Pause, rewind and fastforward. Well, guess there's always the child in this 24 year old body.

Often times, the most significant gift is not necessarily the most expensive nor the biggest. But rather, the most simplest thing tht I myself was ignorant of its significance. Neither do I realized how much I luved and how much I wanted it.

A simple toy model. Tht was what I received for my 24th bday. A gift more suited for a seven or even 11 year old child. Why izzit tht I was so happy and overjoyed wif such an obviously underaged gift for sumone like me?

I remembered tht moment as I ripped the wrappings apart, much like an overeager and energetic child might make, heedless of the mess he's abt to create, in a restaurant of all places. There, the small red and white BANDAI and a miniature pic of the Duel Gundam on the box. I suddenly had this flashback more than a decade ago, my dad smiling broadly as he presented to me a box of self-assembly required model of a state of the art jetfighter. My dad knw of my affinity for things tht r mechanical in nature. I juz luv tinkerin and putting together frm nothing to sumthing.

I covered my momentary sadness of tht memory wif joy... She juz gav me sumthing tht I thought I hav forgotten and lost. A gift symbolic of the life I once had. A childhood luv tht I had to abandon out of necessity. Its amazing how much xcitement I still hav in me staring at tht toy replica of a model. Like standing infront of a motorcycle showcase of the latest sportsbike and daydreaming I'm behind the machine riding it.

I remembered the countless times I would often be attracted to shops tht sells replicas of bikes, cars, mechas and countless other mechanical stuffs. I would stare longingly at every model, noting every lil details like its wonderfully matched paint jobs, every lil dents and scratches of battle damage tht makes it so lifelike. In my minds eye I can see myself ruffling my hair at times when I'm havin difficulty putting sum parts together and squinting my eyes at the manual trying to ensure if I hav missed sum steps.

I would then force myself away, thinking tht I hav outgrown them, when the truth was I was longing to get my hands on them. But as usual, my rational mind whispered tht I'd rather not waste money and time for it, for it sees tht I hav always sumthing more responsible to do tht needs my attention. And I hav never voice out tht I wish to it either.

Sum ppl do pay attention to lil details and hear wht's not being said. These are the ppl tht would see the real hidden value tht most are ignorant. For me, well, I was juz given a symbolic gift of a life tht I thought I had lost and forgotten. And I cant xpress my gratitude enough for tht.

Its been raining non stop these past few days. Hearing the rain constantly pelting against the windows and the swish-swash of wheels on wet roads. The cold sent shivers down my spine, like the feel of cold metal against the warm skin. Its like despair itself embraces u... and the colour tht U can see is grey, leeched of all warmth and vibrant.

I spent the long moments of inactivity blog hoppin and tinking. Its funny... all of us wished to be understood and lashed out in frustration when bein misunderstood. There are as many blogs as there are as many ppl. As many different patterns, style and stories as many as different hair colours and dyes.

But I guess thts for another entry, right now, for the 1st time in many days...I can see the sun and I think my ride can sure need sum washin in this splendid weather. It will be such a waste to stay indoors. Hah! Looks like I hav already realized how much I took the light, sunny sun for granted. DarKSidE indeed...