"Honest luv makes one's soul a reflection of the partner's moods.

And as a room seems larger when lined wif mirrors, so do the joys becum amplified.

And as the individual items in the room becums less clear and sharp, so does the pain diminish and fade, spread thin by the sharin.

That is the beauty of honest, true love, whether in passion or frenship. A sharing tht multiplies the joys and thins the pain."

-Jan. 01, 2005
In My Place... I'm Walking Away



.:ARCHIVE:.

July 2005| August 2005| September 2005| October 2005| November 2005| December 2005| January 2006| February 2006| March 2006| April 2006| May 2006| June 2006| July 2006| August 2006| September 2006| October 2006| November 2006| December 2006| January 2007| February 2007| March 2007| May 2007| June 2007| July 2007| September 2007| November 2007| January 2008|






Site Meter

Trust
Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I came across this on MSH homepage.. it goes like this.
No one is born knowing how to trust. Life gives us many teachers, some caring and others cruel. Few of us receive a solid base of trust as children. Even fewer are taught how to trust ourselves. Regardless of the lessons we each received, we need to learn how to trust as adults.
But we don't have to be condemned by our early life experiences. Trust is a skill to be learned and a choice to be made. It's a gift to be shared with those who appreciate its importance.
Trust is also fragile and must be handled with great care. Careless words and impulsive actions can easily damage trust. Some decide early in life to seldom trust anyone, keeping their authentic selves hidden from any possibility of rejection or betrayal. This is a safe but narrow path.
Wisdom comes from taking the risk to reach out and trust others, although we know that we're likely to make some mistakes and we know that the bond of trust may not last forever. This is where courage comes into play. Why? Because it takes courage to confide in others. When we let down our guard in the hopes of a compassionate response, we take the risk that others may judge us. With a shift of the emotional current, the door of tenderness may shut, and support transforms to criticism. If continued betrayals happen to us over time, the world may seem filled with potential dangers, and we'll be tempted to limit how vulnerable we dare to be.
Confronting these fears takes deliberate and brave efforts. Those who had relatively painless childhoods still may find that even the most trusted people can fail them. Friends and lovers say unkind things. Lust runs over commitment. Employers make bad decisions and go bankrupt, costing people their jobs. Selfish desires often override promises made to others.
Why You Should Learn to Trust
So why should anyone bother to expand the ability to
trust more deeply? Because it can bring tremendous comfort and joy. Trust is the heartbeat of every significant relationship. Without trust, love has no place to grow. There's a sense of safety and comfort when trust is present, and little inhibition. The return to trust after a disagreement with a loved one is a very special return to joy.
In an ideal world, trust would be the standard, and betrayals would be unusual. Trust would rarely need to be discussed, because people would be honest. There would be a shared awareness of a greater good being served, and we would follow the rules we were given as children:
Tell the truth, even when it hurts, because "honesty is the best policy."
"You're only as good as your word."
"Think before you speak."
"Treat others as you would like to be treated," the Golden Rule of love applied to all.
We were taught that good people obeyed these guidelines and were punished when caught being unable to do so. Later we found out these rules were constantly broken by parents, teachers, and friends. Although the rules are based in common sense, they aren't in common practice.
We also quickly figured out that these rules were seldom enforceable, and many of our peers considered us foolish if we insisted on sticking to them. We were taken advantage of if we held to them ourselves: No one who's playing by the rules can win a game if everyone else is cheating. The immediate gratification of being accepted means playing along.
A conflict between what we see and what we feel plays havoc on our developing beliefs. This confusion is carried into adulthood and makes trust one of the most important riddles we have to solve.
And yet every day, we're put to
the trust test. From accepting a doctor's diagnosis to assuming that a car will stop at a red light before we cross the street, trust plays a role in our actions and assumptions. Just to get through the day, we are called upon to make many leaps of faith.
The Real Meaning of Trust
If you're not exactly sure what trust is, you're part of a very big club. We all hunger for the ability to believe in others, and yet we may fall into self-destructive trust patterns that lead to stress-riddled relationships. We complain about the other person or situation, but remain enmeshed. We're stuck in a self-defeating cycle, deepening the distrust in ourselves and almost everyone else. Here are some of the common traps:
If your boss, spouse, best friends, and children seem to take advantage of you, it's probably because you're not asking for what you want. Why? Because you don't trust them to listen without criticizing or rejecting you.
If you stay in jobs, relationships, or even homes that aren't satisfying, you may lack trust in your judgment and ability to handle making big changes on your own.
If you have a dream career or healthier lifestyle in your sights but aren't taking any steps toward making it happen, it could be because you lack faith in a positive future.
Many of these problems occur because we don't have a strong enough sense of self-trust. To say "I trust myself" means taking care of one's own needs and safety and being a loving force in one's own life. It's scary to be truly honest with other people until we know we can count on ourselves. Keeping our promises to ourselves is fundamental to achieving the independence necessary to feel like a real adult. That's the key to self-confidence, to having the ability to explore new choices and tackle big challenges.
Self-trust is not a steady state of self-confidence, immune to fear of failure and rejection. We may still be tempted to defer to others' opinions or pay heed to the inner voices that echo the people who never encouraged us to believe in ourselves. But learning self-trust will help us quiet those voices. As we change, we will attract others who believe in themselves -- and in us.
Trusting someone is not an all-or-nothing proposition. A child wants to have perfect trust about all things, at all times. An adult learns more moderate expectations. Each relationship has a different place in our lives. A certain friend can be a shoulder to cry on but is irresponsible with money. One friend can keep a secret, while another would make a perfect gossip columnist. You discover that a new pal's casual "See you later" is actually more to be counted on than an old friend's sworn oath.
We are in charge of the depth of trust we want to offer. Once we recognize our patterns, get comfortable with our instincts, and find confidence in our skills, the choices will be clearer. And we will possess the courage to create meaningful and lasting relationships.
By increasing trust in ourselves and others, we gather the courage needed to have faith in a positive future for ourselves, despite the risk of failure. Faith in the face of uncertainty is based on a sense that there is something intrinsically good about life. When we have this kind of faith, we can name what we want and overcome obstacles to achieve it. We will develop confidence in our ability to move forward into the future.
Reprinted with permission by New Harbinger Publications, Inc. The Courage To Trust, Cynthia Wall.
Originally published in Ladies' Home Journal magazine, August 2005

11:00
Shah

Comments: Post a Comment