"Honest luv makes one's soul a reflection of the partner's moods. -Jan. 01, 2005
And as a room seems larger when lined wif mirrors, so do the joys becum amplified.
And as the individual items in the room becums less clear and sharp, so does the pain diminish and fade, spread thin by the sharin.
That is the beauty of honest, true love, whether in passion or frenship. A sharing tht multiplies the joys and thins the pain."
In My Place... I'm Walking Away
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Thank You
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Its really been awhile since I last updated. Talk abt havin free time. I'm already jobless, and I hav all the spare time in the world. But as always, there never seems to be nothing for me to do. Cathing up on all my lost sleep. Its good to be available to open up my eyes and do not hav to think abt werk. Yeah, my werk seems to bring in alot of stress and I've aged considerably since then. There's always this moment when I opened up my eyes. A short moment of tranquil. I would then sit by the bed and wondered wht each new day brings. Opportunists would say 'Hey, a new day has cum... live ur day like there's no tomorrow.' Hmm.. wht do they knw like there's no tomorrow? Hav u ever wondered wht if there's no tomorow? Strange.. everytime I open my eyes, I feel happy.. and a small pang of sorrow. How can I describe it? Happy tht I still hav the opportunity to redeem myself.. yet sad.. tht I knw.. I'm still not waking up frm this reality tht I'm juz waiting to wake up frm. I knw.. its stupid. But every nite, before I drifts off.. I wished tht when I open up my eyes, I will wake up and knw tht all the sorrow in my life is but a nightmare. Tht when I wake up, i will be tht 11 yo shah. And when I opened my eyes, there's always tht never ending pain of my ailments. I now hav a new habit.. opened my eyes and the 1st thing I will reach out for will be my pack of cigs. I think now tht the only effective painkiller will be steroids i guess.Ahakz... yet I still can't afford to go for treatments. I still hav so much to do... tht I do not even knw where to begin. But I live my life, as always, one small steps at a time, doin everything humanly possible. As such, I am prone to mistakes, mistakes tht I always try to learn frm and rectify to ensure tht it will never happen again. Life is never EZ. But as i've always known, to sum individuals, they are gifted witout knwin the meaning of hardship or the sayin tht life is a struggle. Me? I'm not a pessimistic person, merely a realist wif a very humble sense of my own mortality and achievements. I live my life day by day, tackling each sets of my never ending problem when I knw I'm capable of tackling it. Coz I knw my own stengths and weaknesses. I've always wanted the simple life. Juz merely enuf for my luved ones sustenance and myself. Always wanted to be wif my luved ones... For it is my luved ones tht reminds me why I open up my eyes day after day, no matter how much pain i hav to endure. |