"Honest luv makes one's soul a reflection of the partner's moods. -Jan. 01, 2005
And as a room seems larger when lined wif mirrors, so do the joys becum amplified.
And as the individual items in the room becums less clear and sharp, so does the pain diminish and fade, spread thin by the sharin.
That is the beauty of honest, true love, whether in passion or frenship. A sharing tht multiplies the joys and thins the pain."
In My Place... I'm Walking Away
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Mirroring Myself
Monday, August 01, 2005
The dead of the nite. It always amazes me that I am often most at ease when ridin all alone at nite. The wind against my body... the chillin coldness tht penetrates thru my jacket. And of course.. the welcumin darkness. It is often durin these time tht memories always find me. Dun worry, though I am immersed in my memo, my senses are always aware n alert of any potential road hazards.
Ironic. That I am most at ease when I might be in the most potential dangerous time. Wht is wrong wif me? Why can't I juz listen to my mum n sis? Am I tht reckless and stubborn? Lookin back now.. it IS my stubborness tht often got my into fights wif my mum n sis. but why.. why can't they juz leave me be?Can't they see tht my actions are always the last resort... makin the most out of a potentially bad situation wif the best of intentions? Becoz of this, in the eyes of my family.. I am seen as the antoginistic one... the bad son.
I am whatever you say I am...
Memories. The one thing tht never fails me. A blessin and a curse. I can remember every detail.. every sound.. every emotion. Betrayal... anger... hatred. The darkest of human emotions. How can I find redemption?
No one can feel this torment inside me. Of this terrible, weary sadness. How can I redeem myself in the eyes of my family? For all that i hav done? "The longest journey begins wif small steps" But am i any progress? Or am I merely takin a step forward, then two steps back?
How can they understand me whn even I myself can't find the rite words? That sumtimes I hav to do sum necessary evil for the greater good? That the end results justify whtever means?
I am only human. I too hav emotions, though I rarely bare my soul. Wht they see, iz wht their eyes can see on the surface. Not underneath it.
If compassion, love and empathy gets me nowhere... then perhaps burnin hatred will.
Perhaps tht's the reason why I am very foreboreding and brooding. Never at peace, for my mind constantly search for alternative, less negative means to reach the end result. One that can bring me a step closer to the light.
Balance in All things. I am always learnin... always listenin n observin. For it is all that I hav left...