"Honest luv makes one's soul a reflection of the partner's moods. -Jan. 01, 2005
And as a room seems larger when lined wif mirrors, so do the joys becum amplified.
And as the individual items in the room becums less clear and sharp, so does the pain diminish and fade, spread thin by the sharin.
That is the beauty of honest, true love, whether in passion or frenship. A sharing tht multiplies the joys and thins the pain."
In My Place... I'm Walking Away
July 2005| August 2005| September 2005| October 2005| November 2005| December 2005| January 2006| February 2006| March 2006| April 2006| May 2006| June 2006| July 2006| August 2006| September 2006| October 2006| November 2006| December 2006| January 2007| February 2007| March 2007| May 2007| June 2007| July 2007| September 2007| November 2007| January 2008|
Black, Black Heart
Thursday, August 04, 2005
There were indeed times when I thought I was makin progress. As I had always said, no one man can make great things.. but rather, lil things wif great luv. That perhaps the most significant step is the act of doin tht deed wif the most simplest and noble intention. never once did I do sumthing good in the hope that I can gain sumthing frm it. Far frm it. All i ever wanted.. was to make dad proud.. as he had thought me to do the morally right things. Helpin ppl... and gainin pahala in the process. Redemption.
But I guess.. wht he didn't tell me was to help the ppl tht REALLY needed and ASKED to be helped. How could I be so misguided? So arrogantly and callously assume tht sumone needed help when they didn't asked to be helped? Initiative perhaps?
So wht do u call a fren.. thts supposed to be ur fren when he stood up for a fren tht has insulted him... ? And goin against the very fren tht gav him the opportunity to redeem his self-respect? Wht do u kol tht?
I grow wearry. And wht do u do when sumone call u names based on total baseless accusations and misguidedness? Will u juz suffer in silence or retalliate, standing for whts right? Even though u pay a heavy price tht costs a frenship and making that person who accused u loose her self respect in the eyes of others?
So I did wht I thought was right. I defended my honour. The price is paid of losing sumone I thought was my fren. And the honour of tht person who accosted me. Wht choice do i hav? If u sow the seed, then u muz prepare to reap the whirlwind. Let a sleepin guy alone.. lest u stir up a hornet's nests of anger.
That has always been my policy. Never mistook my silence and compassion as a sign of weakness. She obviously.. not only she but the rest of my collegue were silent witness of my rightoeous anger. Brave knwin tht I am right.. fear knwin if I were in the wrong.
I rode home alone feelin the weight of resposibilities heavy on my shoulders. Tim and time again I made many compromises. For the sake of this.. for the sake of that. No more. If compassion and empathey get me nowhere....
Then perhaps hatred will. I almost forgot how it feels like to embrace the darkness and let it drives me... Let the end justify the means. Can one man makes a difference? There were indeed times that I am makin progress. And there were indeed times when I lost all hope in the ppl arnd me. And this is one of those times.