tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107258392011-04-22T04:14:06.686+08:00Shahnoreply@blogger.comBlogger831100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-29381716626287402312008-01-01T04:46:00.000+08:002008-01-03T01:49:48.381+08:00

"In This Farewell, There's no blood,There's no alibi.I've drawn Regret from the truth of a thousand lies"The chronicles of Shah DarKSide, comes to a close.At long last I have the answer to that final question that I asked myself all these years. Which side of the equation do I belong? For so long, I have debated and pondered the intricacies of the light and the dark. The times when I feel the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-45300009722752662472007-11-09T14:52:00.000+08:002007-11-09T15:09:36.767+08:00

Clouds... beautiful arent they?I was woken up mid after noon by the caress of breeze thru my window. It was so peaceful... the distant sound of engines and ... construction werks. Weird? I was roused frm my slumber frm the profound peace... u see... this sounds reminded me when i was still a child in my early kindergarten days. Life was so wonderful back then. Simple and so much less complicated.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-48140236907026719212007-09-30T00:58:00.000+08:002007-09-30T02:15:00.321+08:00

Its been five days I've been plaqued by stomach discomfort.Ok, discomfort is a gross understatement. Sumtimes I wreathed in agony from it. I've made two trips to ED to be diagnosed. On the second time the doc wanted me to be admitted, but I flatly refuse. I simply cannot afford to miss any of my classes. Four days school and six day job. I realized that I'm indeed hard up for time... and money.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-5232456905311525042007-09-26T00:43:00.000+08:002007-09-26T01:24:18.896+08:00

A Long Road I Must Travel , This Is but the beginning...Often I'd tell myself that. Its been many months since i went on hiastus. My desktop got busted. Been too busy. Got things here n that. The list of excuses why I've not updated is indeed long and justified. Show me the meaning of being busy. In the day, I work in one of the busiest hospital in Singapore, and in the night, in persuit of

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-65128385484012024622007-07-26T23:01:00.000+08:002007-07-26T23:45:13.211+08:00

Time waits for no man...Eleven days... it feels like only a few days to me. I've got my peace and quiet, resting and recuperating. I do not really know what went wrong with me. I've attended two funerals early July. One after another. When its time to go, its time to go.Eleven days, has it been that long? Im going to Cairo in early August to accompany my family. Mum always wanted to see the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-67761514693552825962007-07-12T11:24:00.000+08:002007-07-12T11:39:31.233+08:00

I AM HAPPY.I AM SHAH.IM A HAPPY GUY.SMILE WITH ME.SING ALONG WITH ME.IM HAPPY.IM SHAH.ALWAYS SHAH.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-315345433055936882007-07-03T09:17:00.000+08:002007-07-03T10:08:11.011+08:00

There were times when I wished I was someone else.Dont we all? Everytime we find ourselves trapped between the proverbial hard rock and a hard place, we take a look around and wished that we are that fortunate soul that's everything's allright. Schadunfreaude. The place where I werk, I had schadunfreaude by the bucket loads.I dont belong here. I am... like a nomad, a wonderer. Never stayin put at

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-79878644214535228382007-06-21T18:15:00.000+08:002007-06-21T18:51:41.313+08:00

Good deeds never always produce good karma.Juz because I turned my back on the darkness does not mean I am protected frm it. I used to believe that one good deed deserves another. So I believed, once, a long time ago. I believed in it again, only recently. Or so I thought.I was Shah DarKSidE. Emphasis on the word was. Maya made me believe that it was not my past that mattered... only what I do

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-89874261956332497012007-06-11T12:59:00.000+08:002007-06-11T15:33:25.901+08:00

Its really gettin harder and harder for me...I work in one of the busiest hospital in Singapore. I try not to blog abt my job. Its bad enough tht I hav to go to tht plc almost every day. Sumtimes my job haunts me even in my dreams. Hw'd often i'd mumble abt my job in my slumber, only to jolt myself to reality, realizin tht its only a dream? I've lost tracked the number of times I scrambled out

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-80757507562494255752007-05-27T20:12:00.000+08:002007-05-27T20:49:02.456+08:00

Responsibilties.I used to run from it. Run as far away as possible. It weighs heavily on my shoulders. I hav forgotten how it feels like to be without it. I think i hav always known how it feels like. Its just tht I dun allow myself to remember it. Or else I would longed for it. With tht longin comes temptation. I fear I might succumb to tht temptation and start runnin again.And once started, it

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-64929059981018881452007-05-20T23:55:00.000+08:002007-05-21T00:30:10.869+08:00

I've been very busy lately.I will always remember. But sumhow, even memories fade over time. I've lost tracked of time. To me, sum memories will always be like only yesterday. Its been over a month since I last updated. Blame it on my oh-so-busy schedule. Blame it on procrastination. Heck... maybe there's juz too many things on my mind tht I dont even knw where to begin. Or perhaps I've been

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-72385053991635767862007-03-29T14:10:00.000+08:002007-03-29T14:28:00.539+08:00

Im On The Outside, and I'm Lookin In...Rain is often associated with sadness. Melodramatic.. to sum even romantic. Yet... rain often evoke strong memories for me. Memories not associated with fallin in love or a romantic walk in the rain with an umbrella. Or even standing in the rain, facing the sky feelin the rain wash over your face, mixing with the tears so that no one can see that you are

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-56883648259876562792007-03-23T22:49:00.000+08:002007-03-23T23:13:07.831+08:00

Its been close to four years I've ridden my phantom.In that span of fours years, I've grown accustomed to my ride. I used to ride an SP150, TA200 and finally a CB400. There were other rides tht I've tested too, CBR400 RL and RN, Kawa636 and even a Blade1000 series. One thing tht i've learned, is tht comfort is a very important factor.My ride hav gone thru many modifications. Groundin, xhaust and

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-17254753140826210632007-03-16T11:07:00.000+08:002007-03-16T11:33:51.874+08:00

Its almost been a year i've been @ ED.In tht brief moment of time, I've discerned a disturbin pattern. Are Singaporeans gettin sicker? Or perhaps there's a new sickness. Its called sick of werk. Its like a domino effect see. Honestly, hw many of us hav intense passion for our werk? Overwerked and underpaid. In order to maintain our 'competetiveness' an employee must know how to multi-task. In

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-87161435962316889462007-02-24T02:28:00.000+08:002007-02-24T03:08:21.527+08:00

My name is Shah.So I keep repeating tht name to myself. I held the letter in my hand, feelin all the hope slowly crumble like hot ambers turnin to dust, and the breeze scatter the ashes. I am an optimist. I hav dreams. Rarely do I give voice to my dreams. When my dreams shatter, I feel the pain of its loss to the deepest core of my soul. I had many dreams. Every year, I witness every dream tht I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-28200637815780371882007-02-03T23:40:00.000+08:002007-02-04T00:34:59.451+08:00

Ive reached this stage in my life that will determine the rest of my life.I've always known that I will reach this point in my life where the darkness ends and the light begins. Years ago, when I embrace the darkside, I promised myself tht wif time, I will emerge frm the suffocating darkness. Either tht, or totally succumb to it. I do not knw. It was not sumthing thats plan in the story of my

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-55958876708714626662007-02-01T05:39:00.000+08:002007-02-01T06:03:22.226+08:00

I gaze for long moments at the dark wide open sea.I tried to clear my mind, simply enjoy the moment. Its cold, even with my jacket on. I am at peace here, comfortable, hidden in the darkness. Moments such as these were rare in my life. Even then, as comfortable as I was there, I look into the distant darkness and thought back of my life then and now. Always living in the moment. Remember the past

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-64482455186825417102007-01-29T01:55:00.000+08:002007-01-29T02:45:33.015+08:00

I am shah.Its time to pay the piper shah. I hav always knwn that. I can only run away for so long. Its about time i stop. So I turn, I gaze upon the specter of the past n look into the shadow of myself. It had no face, yet I can feel the familiar burnin anger n hatred. Yet, it was that hatred n anger that once gave me strength. I had embraced that shadow. The price I paid was compassion n emotion

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1169487759758573702007-01-23T01:06:00.000+08:002007-01-23T01:42:39.846+08:00

Sumtimes I find it hard to believe.There are sumthings that I'd rather forget. I always believe in a better tomorrow. So i said that everytime in my heart. Everyday. Everytime darkness falls. I said tht to myself. A better brighter tomorrow. I hope for the best, but always prepapre for the worst.Optimist versus Pessimism.Twenty five years of my life. I truly wonder where the light in my life ends

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1167430549417347152006-12-30T04:46:00.000+08:002006-12-30T06:15:49.523+08:00

Hey dad.2006 is drawin to an end. I am writing this now, imagining tht I am wrinting to you sumwhere out there, far away. Its been so long since u left us. Try as I might, there is always this terrible emptiness within me tht I cant xplain since u left. I knw back then tht U will never return. Nor can I ever speak to u again. There's so many things tht I wanted to ask you, so many things that I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1163861981451457542006-11-18T22:17:00.000+08:002006-11-18T22:59:41.506+08:00

Its been awhile.So much things can happen in such a short period of time. Time. I've always said tht time is a luxury tht i do not hav. Here I am now. Its been like almost a month that I hav not updated my entry. Its not tht i've been procastinating. Aside frm the fact tht my computer was down, I had to contend with a host of problems that I've taken my time away from the world to do sum serius

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1162062962175202522006-10-29T02:49:00.000+08:002006-10-29T03:16:02.600+08:00

Ramadhan left, and syawal came.Everytime I start my entry, the 1st thing tht crosses my mind is hw fast time flies. Its already the beginning of the end of the year. The cliche 'It feels like yesterday' keeps repeating in my mind. It feels only like yesterday I started the new year. It feels like only yesterday I celebrated my b'day. It feels like yesterday I thought I could make a difference. It

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1159340508314363782006-09-27T14:21:00.000+08:002006-09-27T15:01:48.363+08:00

RamadhanThey said the month of ramadhan is a month full of goodness n redemption. So they say. I often wonder why issit tht only ramadhan most ppl becum much better than usual. Or so I believe. Not all ppl it seems. Perhaps its true, tht if one soul is so tainted, that the internal light of the soul is forever extinguished, their heart forever closed to things that are good n right.What about me

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1158747765465405732006-09-20T17:14:00.000+08:002006-09-20T18:22:45.510+08:00

Blood ran from many wounds... I'm very weak when I see so much blood. That has always been my weakness. I hate when I see gore. Real gore, not those that we often see frm the movies. I'm no stranger to seein RTAs... heck, I work at ED and I see bleedin ppl often.. once I even encountered a finger in a plastic bag of ice.I hate bein reminded of mortality. Its so easy to ignore that fact when I am

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1158646602535341852006-09-19T13:54:00.000+08:002006-09-19T14:16:42.566+08:00

Tired...I've been sayin that alot lately. I'm always tired n fatigued. But sumhow.. I can only feel all the weariness n fatigue when I am all alone in my room. Its strange really.. when I'm outside wif my luved ones or headin for werk, all the fatigue n weariness vanish. I feel strong and energetic. I rarely sleep at night, sumtimes even in the day. But on the days when I laze at home, I could

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1158075103864637732006-09-12T22:59:00.000+08:002006-09-12T23:31:44.046+08:00

I watched the stars that littered the night sky.I always luved that moment. My fishin rod casted out into the open sea, I would often lie down to gaze the moonlit sky, listenin to the peace n tranquil. It is here, I am often at peace wif myself and the world around me. I so admired the twilight beauty. Here, away from the artificial lights of the city, lay a different type of beauty. One that I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1157588879963308812006-09-07T07:45:00.000+08:002006-09-07T08:28:00.056+08:00

I really wanted to smile, I so wanted to be happy... what I lack, is the reason and sincerity. Perhaps, as time goes by, I will also lack the capacity. There's a terrible emptiness in me... for so long I tried to banish that emptiness. i tried various ways n means. Everytime I thought i've find succcess, it always comes back. What is this emptiness? Could it be overwhelming sadness that my heart

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1157220771978255862006-09-03T00:31:00.000+08:002006-09-03T02:12:52.036+08:00

Can the silence be any deeper? Can there be a blacker nite?Have you ever watched kids playing? I hav forgotten how it feels like to be like them running wild n carefree. Is that the thing of growing up then? Forgetting how to hav fun n being happy? The children's laughter... their smiles and innocence. Finding joy whatever they do, whenever and wherever they are.The Lightside... compassion,

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1155673544405103952006-08-16T03:36:00.000+08:002006-08-16T04:25:44.573+08:00

My life story goes on...Its been a very long time since I last updated. More than a month actually. Time really flies these days... or any days for that matter. They say time flies when you dread for sumthing. What am I dreading then?The lack of updates a testament to my hectic & random schedule. I've been out of touched these days, as i look inwards into the core of my soul. The Lakehouse

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1152790246335877772006-07-13T18:20:00.000+08:002006-07-13T19:30:46.383+08:00

The world is not devided between the good ppl & the bad...As the wheel turns, propelling me further into the depth of the nite, juz as the seconds ticks by every moment of the day. The days go by, bringing me further from the past & with it, memories. The comforting darkness, riding wif my constant companion all these years. I can see clearly the dark road n its path. Symbolic like the journey of

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1152023829859570902006-07-04T22:37:00.000+08:002006-07-04T22:37:09.880+08:00

All the different lives.. The days gone by. A man is defined by the deeds that he had done. Or perhaps a man is defined by his past? Every one of us is shaped by the events that happened in our lives, like sumone once said to me, "I am a victim of circumstance"Is it better to sail in the calm water? It is a question that I often ask myself in my solitude. My room is like superman's fortress of

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1151262205874228702006-06-26T02:20:00.000+08:002006-06-26T03:03:25.906+08:00

Here wifout you...Its been physically n mentally demanding time. The lack of updates is a testament to my rigorous schedule. Its really a challenge for me dividing my time between werk, responsibilites and personal downtime. I am worn out, fatigued and ready to fall apart at any time. The only thing keeping me together is my faith and an all too aware of the responsibilities that's weighing

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1149880843714820392006-06-10T01:53:00.000+08:002006-06-10T03:42:38.773+08:00

Life is a journey, not a destination. This is not a promo for the movie cars. Sounds simple.. but contains a much deeper meaning, the main reason why I feel so alive when I am riding. My life is like a journey.. never knwing its final destination or the turns and obstacles cumin my way. Only the determination to see it thru till the end.What will I find at my final destination? Will it end wif my

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1148854392569011702006-05-28T22:21:00.000+08:002006-05-30T13:35:26.506+08:00

X-Men: The Last Stand was a waste of my time.Already its 28th May.. nearly the end of the month and already starting early of mid year. I feel like only yesterday I welcumed the new year. Time flies when you hav always things to do. I do not understand why ppl always complain of boredom, when there is always sumthing to be done.. even resting is to me... a part of sumthing significant.Perhaps I'm

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1148142093906284792006-05-20T23:41:00.000+08:002006-05-21T00:38:15.896+08:00

Nothing is more painful than losing a loved one.All my life hav been marred by loss. I am used to that. In my effort of self-preservation, I built emotional barriers to shield myself frm despair n grief. I distanced myself, often being seen as aloof or even cold. It is not easy for me to becum attached to anyone, often relying on my own self. I mistakenly thought, that by distancing myself to

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1145947293581787722006-04-25T13:38:00.000+08:002006-04-25T14:41:33.596+08:00

Its been awhile since I last updated my entries. I've been bz coping wif my new werk. Its been more than a month I'm there, gradually coping to the hectic and chaos there. I've seen many aspects of human nature.. from the most self centered and unreasonable demanding ppl to the most compassionationate and understanding of them all. I've handled frayed and ruffled tempers as well as calm and cool

Shahnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1145031500769303102006-04-14T23:10:00.000+08:002006-04-16T21:51:19.626+08:00

Be careful of what u wish for..."Three tissue for one dollar." Sounds familiar? If u frequent kedai kopi's, then the answers woould be a yes. Our typical response would be shake both our heads and hands as a universal gesture of 'No, i'm not intrested' Sum even charge a packet of tissue for a dollar. Of course we wouldnt want that. Go to any pharmacy and u'll find that they r selling a carton of

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1144458777165431872006-04-08T08:39:00.000+08:002006-04-08T12:02:16.773+08:00

When darkness falls, One muz remember not to sucumb to it. Even in the darkest night, when all the light have faded away, there can never be total darkness. Several times I marveled at the pale moonlight and the star studded sky. I do not fear the darkness. As a child, I was terrified of it. But I learned to face that fear. Now.. there is a certain, haunting beauty I find in the darkness. For in

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1144301613309085382006-04-06T12:24:00.000+08:002006-04-06T13:35:47.650+08:00

May It BeI am not an evil man. Neither am I a saint. Do I believe in karma? Good begets good... wrong doin begets the same thing. Is there a universal scale out there tht's doin all the weighin and judging? Or izzit just misguided belief, encouraging us to do goodness?Balance in all things. I knw there is still darkness lingering in my heart. Despite me trying to forsake my dark and tormented

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143938565019746722006-04-02T08:13:00.000+08:002006-04-02T08:58:52.826+08:00

Its good to be back home.That was what keep looping in my mind, partially drenched and so physically and mentally xhausted. I'm no walking cyborg. I am not nuclear powered, neither hav hydrolic strength nor memory power of a supercomputer. But I can adapt. I was caught in the rain on my way home yesterday. My bike needs to be sent for maintenance... I need myself to be sent for maintenance.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143808514811263682006-03-31T20:02:00.000+08:002006-03-31T20:36:50.830+08:00

Its only natural that I'm worn out.Its TGIF. Its almost a week I'm attached to ED. In that span of four days, I hav seen alot of action there. There'z never a dull moment. A real challenge both physically and mentally. There were indeed times when I thought I would crack under pressure. The turn over rate there is unusually high and I can see the reason why. Compared to the profesional veterans

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143643672343344852006-03-29T20:59:00.000+08:002006-03-29T23:05:01.556+08:00

Need medical attention.Its been two days OJT @ ED. Life is hectic there. I am more mentally exhausted rather than physically. But I am happy really. This is where I rise up to the challenge. I'm not the behind the desk job in a cosy office type of person. There is never a dull moment there. No time to pause and take a breath. Xciting? U betcha! Stressed? U can bet on it! But I'm still wearing the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143379456708705842006-03-26T20:15:00.000+08:002006-03-26T21:24:16.766+08:00

Private Emotion.Its not sumthing that u show readily. It is sumthing that's sacred, reserved only for urself or perhaps those closest to you. Perhaps the reason why I always go to the pusara alone.Today was a special exception. I went there this mornin wif my mum n sis. Left my ride behind and tompanged Kak Barya and Abg Syam's spanking new Hyundai. Dark clouds heralded rain today. It felt

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143250852640861402006-03-25T08:55:00.000+08:002006-03-25T09:40:52.656+08:00

I sat on my bed, looking out my bedroom window as the sky grows brighter and brighter as well as the sounds of birds chirping grows louder and louder. I never tire wakin up early in the morning, either by my own accord or frm my fav mornin wake up call. I don't know... there's sumthing... special.. as though as there is always sumthing special that I can look forward to doin... like a surprise

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1143062031823393572006-03-23T04:27:00.000+08:002006-03-23T05:13:51.866+08:00

I was jolted frm a terrible nightmare.My nightmares are not in the form of monsters or ghosts. There were times I wished it were so. My nightmares in the form of twisted versions of my past. I think I need a psychiatrist. No I'm not losing my sanity. Or a therapist.. u knw... like in the movies where I lie down on a couch, talking away while a person listens takin down notes. At the end of the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1142560534690228632006-03-17T09:07:00.000+08:002006-03-17T14:51:49.596+08:00

Good morning Shah.Hi shah. I'm conscience. That voice in your head that's always reminding you to do the right thing. Its been awhile since you listened to me and act on it. Listen to me you will... do u hear that shah? That's the wind of change...Dun worry, I'm not losing my marbles. Have you ever heard this voice always telling you to do the right thing? I do. Its always in my head... like my

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1142182760353191592006-03-13T00:14:00.000+08:002006-03-13T00:59:20.386+08:00

Finally an update.I am not a DIY computer hardware guy. So much for tryin to cut cost by do-it-yourself self DVD drive installation. Ended up wif a blank screen at my monitor and a high pitched looping beep sound. And no... I wasnt listening to too much Pussy Cat Doll's Beep. Hahah. So much for plug and play. In my hands its more like plug and destroy. It was comical really. I was sweating away

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141695554911061852006-03-07T09:06:00.000+08:002006-03-07T09:39:14.926+08:00

Today's weather will be predicted as partly cloudy wif temperatures ranging 26-29 degrees celcius. Its a wonderful morning to be out there enjoyin the fine weather. Haha, look at u shah! Who do u think you are? The mornin weather Deejay?Ahakz, perhaps thts how I psyche myself up these days. Usually I will open my eyes and moan in dismay coz the mornin sun's too glaring outside my window and I'll

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141451558624542432006-03-04T12:43:00.000+08:002006-03-04T13:52:38.650+08:00

I burried Brownie today.I opened my eyes feelin tht I hav left all my sorrows and worries behind me. I believe in starting a new day full of enthusiasm and hope . Tht sumhow today is better thn yesterday, like the sayin goes believin in a better tomorrow.I took Brownie home frm the vet yerterday morning. I was hopeful tht Brownie was gettin better. After all, the vet gav me positive feedback the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141354190795787602006-03-03T10:24:00.000+08:002006-03-03T10:49:50.806+08:00

I luv opening my eyes to a good sunny mornin wif Nickelback's Far Away on the jukebox, setting my mood for the day today. Lets keep the enthusiasm goin allrite? Today is gonna be a long day. Lets see.. I'm collectin my bunny rabbit frm the hospital vet later in the mornin after breakfast n household chores. Thn its off to my medical apptment @ TTSH but b4 tht, I'm droppin by at Maya to pass her

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141257770116901132006-03-02T07:46:00.000+08:002006-03-02T08:02:50.143+08:00

Good morning glory...Its really wonderful to open ur eyes to wonderful blue sky and the pale rays of the early mornin sun. The air is so refreshing these days.... hmm.. could it be tht my black tarred lungs hav cleared? Ahakz... well, frankly speakin, i dun really regret quitin smokin even though I hav missed the Muharram challenge. I liked teasin Maya tht I should juz start smokin again n drop

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141091043373145172006-02-28T09:24:00.000+08:002006-02-28T09:44:03.386+08:00

A new day has come.Yeah, tht's the 1st thing tht crossed my mind when I opened my eyes. Today is gona be a long day... lets see.. laundry, breakfast thn household chores and of course the thing tht i've been dreading. Today I hav to confront my monumental problem tht's been plaquing my since last mid jan 06. Dammit. I'm not lookin 4ward to see tht muther***** face and his equally MatKotai's *****

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1141005647754926032006-02-27T09:14:00.000+08:002006-02-27T10:00:47.766+08:00

I'd like to think tht I'm living a happy, trouble free life. Who doesnt want to live their life tht way? Enjoyin life.. doin things tht U've always wanted... free of responsibilities and worries. Everyday is a sunny day... everyday is just so happening and full of laughs and new things to do and discover. There is no such thing as friends with alterior motives and very unpleasant ppl.I am like

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1140917614083472452006-02-26T08:44:00.000+08:002006-02-26T10:06:32.386+08:00

I do not hav all the answers.Why izzit ppl says tht I do? Think. If I do hav all the answers, thn why I am the way I am? I never claimed tht I am a perfect person. Neither hav I claimed tht I am a good guy. No one is perfect, least of all me.I never claimed to hav all the answers. I merely live my life by my set of principles tht I hav developed over the years based on my life xperiences.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1139280987786290122006-02-06T22:25:00.000+08:002006-02-07T10:56:27.826+08:00

Walking away. Its typical of what most ppl would do when in trouble. Ignore the problem, dun get involved and just turn a blind eye. Hey its not my problem... why must it be mine in the 1st place? Let sumone else handle it.. let it be their problem. Perhaps if I ignore it long enough the problem will juz go away.Well. its not tht simple. I sat alone in this darkened room, my mind reeling frm the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1139119375057952632006-02-05T14:01:00.000+08:002006-02-05T14:09:59.080+08:00

Your Personality IsGuardian (SJ)You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.In love, you tend to take

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1137339918900781382006-01-15T21:38:00.000+08:002006-01-15T23:53:15.893+08:00

Nothing is ever constant in life. What U think U hav figured it out often would test ur belief, ur faith and principles. Tht is my belief. Lookin back over the years of my life, I hav lived my life according to wht I belief. Tht belief being shaped by xperience at tht stage of my life. Experience tempered by wisdom. And I'd pause and reflect.. am I right or wrong? I never stopped reflecting on

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1137137952317000282006-01-13T14:40:00.000+08:002006-01-13T15:39:12.343+08:00

Time is running out... Tht's always on my mind nowadays. I feel like there's a clock ticking inside me... a timer tht I can't see, but steadily ticking away as sure as the sun rise and sets. This is clearly evident... everything around me is going on as normal, though the clock is sumhow accelarated when I'm not lookin. Already, 2005 is already behind me, here I am thinking as though 2004 was

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1135691342131411972005-12-27T20:43:00.000+08:002005-12-27T21:49:02.153+08:00

Its been raining these past few days. Well, it is december, wht am I xpecting? Snow? Ahakz. Took a short walk round my neighbourhood earlier on. It was drizzling... I juz luxuriated the coolness of the air and the raindrops against my skin. Indeed... it is so good to inhale fresh clear air. (Look who's talkin as I'm a frequent smoker) Niway, here's the second part of the lost entries...31th May

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1135567212001373422005-12-26T09:23:00.000+08:002005-12-26T11:20:12.023+08:00

I wonder why time flies so fast. Iz it juz me? I can vividly remember typing my last closing entry for the year of 04 @ my old log Diaryland. After a long time reflecting on tht year, I hav finaly decided to clean up certain aspects of my life. Now here I am doing it again. Its like I started wif January then skipped right to December. 2005 hav its fair share of my ups and downs. Always, every

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1135084905360522282005-12-20T20:30:00.000+08:002005-12-20T21:21:45.406+08:00

There is sumthing comforting when I ride. The steady thrum of engine, the wind beating against my entire body and the sense of control and freedom. I feel like I'm almost flying, nothing holding me back. Its ironic tht I am most peaceful and ease when riding; when five years back, it almost cost me my life.I especially luv it when my visor is up. So cool... the sound of the wind hypnotising in my

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1134850970188587302005-12-18T03:37:00.000+08:002005-12-18T04:22:50.233+08:00

Nature abhors vacuum... and for me... i abhors lack of information. So I look for answers to fill tht void. I look for tht answer everywhere. Questions tht I believe can perhaps sumhow fill this emptyness tht is always inside me.What is this emptiness? I used to believe it was lack of achievement. Lack of progress in life. So I tried to fill tht void doin things tht I thought could fill tht gap.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1133785497462972262005-12-05T19:33:00.000+08:002005-12-05T20:24:57.476+08:00

Time is not a luxury tht I hav.It feels like only yesterday when I sit down infront of the computer typing out my recollectons... mementos as u call it, of all tht had happened in tht year. I hav this habit see... everytime the year draws to a close, I would retreat away frm the word to do reflect all tht I hav done.. my achievements.. deeds and of course.. most importantly mistakes tht I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1132594601926357102005-11-22T01:14:00.000+08:002005-11-22T01:36:41.940+08:00

A dream within a dream.Hav u ever had one of those moments? Its like bein caught between the twilight zone and reality. I am fascinated by dreams. Researchers say tht its the mind giving ur innermost desires or ur most often thoughts physical reality. Spiritual ppl say tht its ur soul doin sum travelin. Realist say its the mind takin time off frm reality. LoL! Me? There were times when I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1132501438122140002005-11-20T23:16:00.000+08:002005-11-20T23:43:58.143+08:00

They say a picture says a thousand words.Hw bout music thn? Is music a reflection of a person's mood? Or perhaps its the other way around... music influences a persons mood? Ppl do so many things to xpress themselves. Sum take up writing. Or a clothes concept or the cliques tht they hang out wif, lending credence to the saying birds of the same feather flock together. Sum are too confused

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1132451355808970062005-11-20T09:22:00.000+08:002005-11-20T09:50:46.696+08:00

I realized I am a solitary person. I realized tht. I am nt the type of guy tht U will see in the middle of the party or the one bringing life and comedy in outing group. I detest crowded and noisy places, instead I luv the soothing sounds at the beach or juz staring at wide open green places. Bright lights hurt my eyes, causing me migraines and discomfort. Fishing. One of my most favourite

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1131998749729274422005-11-15T02:33:00.000+08:002005-11-15T04:05:49.776+08:00

Wht dreams may cum...I was jolted frm slumber by one of my many perfect dream. Dreams... a cruel trick of the mind on reality, reminding me of my loss and the many possibilities of my life's choices. The wht if questions tht often plaqued my mind. Its so cruel. Often this is the type of dream tht fills me wif longing and sadness. It made me sumtimes wonder if I am makin any progress of

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1131728871550205932005-11-12T00:33:00.000+08:002005-11-12T01:07:51.566+08:00

There is a sense of loss in the air. Is it true tht good ppl always leave 1st? I so hated tht word. Perhaps it is meant to be a condolence. Its like "Hey.. he passed away coz he's a good man. God luvs him so much." Two passing wihin less than a month from another. One before ramadhan, the other juz a week after raya. My mentor's dad passed away. Heart attack. As always, I can see the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1131505318464049222005-11-09T11:00:00.000+08:002005-11-09T11:01:58.480+08:00

I came across this on MSH homepage.. it goes like this. No one is born knowing how to trust. Life gives us many teachers, some caring and others cruel. Few of us receive a solid base of trust as children. Even fewer are taught how to trust ourselves. Regardless of the lessons we each received, we need to learn how to trust as adults.But we don't have to be condemned by our early life experiences.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1131239085530493112005-11-06T07:56:00.000+08:002005-11-06T09:04:46.893+08:00

Its been close to 12 years dad. 12 years since u had left us. In tht span of time, I thought wif time all wound heals. Well, perhaps it does... bt it left me with a very deep scar tht still throbbed wif pain once in a while. Often, when I am alone, I would muse wht would life be like if u were still alive. Will I be like wht I am now? Or would I juz be another pain in ur side? Still tht rude,

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1130748217613843002005-10-31T16:20:00.000+08:002005-10-31T16:43:37.626+08:00

Sumtimes.... havin faith in urself is not enough. It surprise me when sumone tht I really cared abt sees me in a different light. Full of hope... Imagine tht.. me... full of hope. Perhaps i tried so hard to convince ppl around me of the real me tht I lost sight of tht. I tried so hard to hide behind the many masks of mine... tht perhaps I lost myself. Look into the darkness for so long tht I

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1130244546314114892005-10-25T20:02:00.000+08:002005-10-25T20:49:06.333+08:00

3rd day of OJT. It feels good to be back in action again. Though the pay is nothin to be proud of, at least I knw tht my life is goin sumwhere. Its been a more than a month i've retreated frn the world, restin my feet and cathin up on lost times. I've done most of the things i've always wanted to do... fishin, watchin the sun rise and set, ppl watching and of course, spendin time wif all my

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1129731497286231052005-10-19T21:50:00.000+08:002005-10-19T22:18:17.293+08:00

Second day of training. So far i've been fortunate in the sense tht my fellow trainee r not as bad as my prev stint. Its true when ppl sez tht xperience and xposure to the world matures u and change ur perception and the way u carry urself. This is my stepping stone to my career.. start frm the bottom up. Like they say, u hav to learn to crawl, then walk before runnin. Times fly by so fast

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1128875183529411662005-10-09T23:30:00.000+08:002005-10-10T00:26:23.553+08:00

It never stopped rainin... Perhaps tht how it feels like to me. The heavy rain in the nite never fails to evoke memories.. and with it regret & grief. My passion to ride. Regardless how happy or sad I am. Its ironic tht my passion to ride is also one the many reasons tht marked the tunin point of my life. Death on two wheels. or a moving coffin. Indeed, many youngsters, easily recognizable

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1128477963569834102005-10-05T09:37:00.000+08:002005-10-05T10:06:16.633+08:00

Do you believe in redemption and forgiveness? Sumtimes it is easier to return back into the darkness, committin bad and livin a life of callousness. Indeed, how many times hav I felt the comfortin darkness beckons to me.. its voice of temtation ever in my head... speakin it how ez and pleasureable were I to commit tht dastardly act. And I ask myself, again and again for the countless times...

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1127381942519175562005-09-22T17:14:00.000+08:002005-09-22T17:39:02.546+08:00

Remorse, grief.. anger. Emotions are ez to understand when u read it or hear it frm ppl. But its the depth of those emotions tht juz couldn't be put into words or felt by the other person. Sumtimes, it is so distant n like sum ppl would say.. its only words. Sum hav detached and cool manner becoz they juz can't feel the emotion itself. Maybe even sum would nod their head or giv a ahuh or i

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1127303369878405762005-09-21T15:39:00.000+08:002005-09-21T19:49:29.916+08:00

Its really been awhile since I last updated. Talk abt havin free time. I'm already jobless, and I hav all the spare time in the world. But as always, there never seems to be nothing for me to do. Cathing up on all my lost sleep. Its good to be available to open up my eyes and do not hav to think abt werk. Yeah, my werk seems to bring in alot of stress and I've aged considerably since then.

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1126202128949638942005-09-09T01:30:00.000+08:002005-09-09T01:55:28.966+08:00

Can one man makes a difference? There's always this question at the back of my mind. When I am alone. When I am faced wif adversity. I always wanted to be remembered. For all the good tht I had done. I always wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be remembered as the guy who had done good, tryin to make those ppl arnd him happy. To see smiles etched on their faces becoz of my actions. Why

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1123781893079691172005-08-12T00:53:00.000+08:002005-08-12T01:38:13.086+08:00

Balance in all things. The Ying & The Yang.These few weeks has been spent cleaning up my closet and basically all aspects of my life. Ever since returning frm Sri Lanka on my relief efforts.. I can feel the changes taking over me, bof spritually, mentally and physically. I treasure and keep everything tht I feel is good, while discarding and the bad, rotten ones to where they belong. Indeed,

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1123169889477537182005-08-04T22:48:00.000+08:002005-08-04T23:38:09.483+08:00

Am I a fool thinking tht sumhow I can change the world? Can one man makes a difference?There were indeed times when I thought I was makin progress. As I had always said, no one man can make great things.. but rather, lil things wif great luv. That perhaps the most significant step is the act of doin tht deed wif the most simplest and noble intention. never once did I do sumthing good in the

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1122829670243168772005-08-01T00:42:00.000+08:002005-08-01T01:07:50.250+08:00

It never fails to move me everytime I gaze into tht photo. A last pic taken wif dad n me when I was only 11 years old...The dead of the nite. It always amazes me that I am often most at ease when ridin all alone at nite. The wind against my body... the chillin coldness tht penetrates thru my jacket. And of course.. the welcumin darkness. It is often durin these time tht memories always find

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1122783764447535232005-07-31T11:57:00.000+08:002005-07-31T12:22:44.453+08:00

The longest road begins wif one step. Most of my collegues r tolking abt it nowadays. The tension n stress of lookin for a new job. But sumhow, I don't feel affected by it. There muz be more to this life than juz merely lookin to make more money. Like i've always said to my frenz, for how long muz we be like this? It seems to me tht we are becumin slaves to our jobs, when its supposed to be

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10725839.post-1122036382833290272005-07-22T20:28:00.000+08:002005-07-22T20:46:22.840+08:00

Finally, a new look, a new beginning. Its been so long since I last updated. Been waiting for sumone to help me out wif the new layout. Never was an IT savvy person. Its almost four mths now since my last entry. So much had happened since then. If sumone were to ask u.. do u knw wht Shah is like, hw would u answer? Well, u'd probably answer.. shah who? Of course u do not knw me. But most tht

Shahnoreply@blogger.com0